something happened last month and all i can type now is that i've never felt happier being alone. i was once someone who couldn't fathom being nobody's particular person because of my absolute first adult relationship failing, but i am now thankful for the chance to sit alone with my own thoughts.
what happened last month was that i was coerced into something i didn't want to be a part of. 5 minutes after it happened i asked for advice from at least 5 of my friends who are about 4-8 years my seniors. they've told me that i couldn't have done more than i already have [to practice responsibility] and that i'm not supposed to feel horrible since i wasn't informed, but i still have been left feeling like everything i do is a moral failing.
i threw away clothes that make me panic because of what happened. i just feel dirtied and it's never going to go away. i'm just ready to move on and find new people.
i've been asking for more hours at work so i can get my mind off of it. i've been going to more shows too and just find any chance to stay outside of the house.
i'm losing interest in art but it's a few of the things i have complete control over.