Written: 2026.05.30
this isn't the first time i've sworn twitter off either. i only started using it because 3 years ago my ex and most of her friends were met through these online circles. i wanted to be included in everything my girlfriend did, so i'm like "maybe returning isn't so bad as long as i start new and don't step on any toes."
after our break-up, i didn't know how to really handle being on my own. but sometimes people lose interest and that's alright.
anyway, something happened last month and all i can really say is that now i've never felt happier being alone. where i was once someone who couldn't fathom being nobody's particular person because it was my first adult relationship, i am now thankful for the chance to sit with my own thoughts.
what happened last month was that i was coerced into something i didn't want to be a part of. 5 minutes after it happened i asked for advice from at least 5 of my friends who are about 4-8 years my seniors, and even though they tell me that i couldn't have done more than i already have, and that i'm "not supposed to feel horrible," i still have been left feeling like i did everything wrong.
i started throwing away clothes that make me panic because of what happened. i'm not entirely sure what people do to cleanse themselves, but that and altering my online habits is what is helping me now. i just feel dirtied and it's never going to go away. i'm just ready to move on.
i've been asking for more hours at work so i can get my mind off of it. i've been going to more shows too and just find any chance to stay outside of the house. i even met people.
i'm going to start focusing more on my fansites and my art. i'm honestly losing interest in art but it's a few of the things i have complete control over, so that's all i need to do.